Published on November 6th, 2013 | by Tony Odett1
Artistically Sane: Game Reviews By The Box Cover
Box art is the most important feature a game has (or not). Because of this, we here at Critically Sane have decided to do nothing less than begin reviewing games by the cover art in order to uncover that deeper, hidden meaning.
I carry two swords, one because it fits in my sheath and a second to stab people who think I can’t spell. Even though they’re right.
Rating: Tree out of Frive.
You don’t need to be a shooter to have a cover with a solitary man holding a gun. LOOK! Actually, I have three guns. And a sword. Obviously, that’s better.
Rating: Arggggghh out of Aye, Matey.
I can kill you. Blindfolded. This is how good aim assist has become. Also, BOO!
Rating: Ahhhhhhhh! out of Ghosts are Scary.
Let’s see. I’ve got my pistol, my grenade, my rifle, a loaf of bread, a bottle of milk… Damn it. This is way too much to carry.
Rating: America out of Orange Is the New Black.
You can smell what The Rock is cooking. The odor is pretty bad, honestly. Take a shower, Dwayne. You reek.
Rating: One Keg out of A Six Pack
Now headlined by Sam Fisher with a laser rifle and Laserbeak. The final villain in the game is now Megatron.
Rating: More Than Meets the Eye
Adrian Peterson. Because Barry Sanders isn’t good enough for the next gen, and we needed a player we could actual jinx. Say hi to Josh Freeman, Adrian!
Rating: At Least We’ll Get a High Draft Pick
LeBron: “I love the first snow of winter. Just catching a few flakes on your tongue… ” *cough, gasp, sputter, cough, choke*
Rating: Chalk does a body good.
Kyrie Irving: “No, I’m not LeBron. Yeah, your mom bought you the wrong NBA game. Sorry.”
Rating: If At First You Don’t Succeed, Cancel Your Game And Release It Three Years From Now.
Now Coming to your next generation console: My Little Pony: The Game.
Rating: DOUBLE FREAKIN’ RAINBOW.