Were the other 39 years just as shitty? There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. For more information, please see our I just dont get where youre coming up with the opinion that its *likely* that she will have a tough financial future. LW, go on a 10 day cruise with your granddaughter WITHOUT your husband. If your boyfriend is having trouble getting (and/or staying) hard for a consecutive period of time, it can't hurt to ask him if he's on any medication that could be triggering his ED. Obviously, you cannot change your husband, which Im sure you know after more than 40 years together. His browsing history may give you a clear picture and can be one of the many signs your husband is gay. LW, your husband may change. What's important to remember is that the husband's homosexuality is entirely his responsibility and has nothing to do with the wife. Thanks for hearing me out and i will get out this Crappy marriage too!!!Lisa. Few obvious signs your partner is gay include the following . If it turns out that a husband is, in fact, gay, the fallout can be difficult to deal with, particularly for the straight partner. But if you're wondering, "Is my man gay," it might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, according to Kaye. It sounds like you have ruled out many physical factors, in which case it may be useful to consider psychological factors. And, if you do find out signs your husband is gay, then the first thing that youll need to do is to sit down and talk to him. (Im not trying to generalize about everyone, but I do believe marriage has undergone some changes over the years.). When it comes down to it, there is no reliable "Am I Gay test", so the only way, Depression quotes and sayings about depression can provide insight into what it's like living with depression as well as inspiration and a feeling of "someone gets it, Rape victim stories can be very difficult to read, frightening and emotionally draining for some but stories of rape show other victims that they are not alone in their struggles. XI: What Constitutes a Date?, Afternoon Quickie: He Says He Doesnt Want Anything Serious, Should I Ask Out My Hot Massage Therapist?, My Family Says Theyll Disown and Shun Me If I Divorce My Husband, DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly Anyone going on awesome dates?). For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . However, I have to be very careful financially. For more information, check out the related Q&As. A majority of the country thinks that at least 20 percent of Americans at least one in five of us are gay or lesbian. March 18, 2014, 6:30 pm. So, my advice is at this age you dont need a divorce, just stay married and go away. it was super interesting! there were a lot of people (men and women) who really tried to raise up the role of a housewife into a very valued, and even sometimes paid, role in society. As an exercise, you can tryfocusing on non-genital sensations, such as kissing and cuddling. Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of gay husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don't reach this place of honesty on their own. iwannatalktosampson If your husband does admit that he is gay, its important to remember that he didnt choose this life to hurt you. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. He goes out of his way to get a hug out of his pals. Do you show your husband that you appreciate him and what he does? After being married for 30 yrs plus. i read a whole book about food history in america, and the changing roles of a housewife was obviously a big impact to the way we ate at home. Or maybe he wont. His social media contacts are unusual and full of people, or new friends that you dont know how he knows them and many of which are gay. its ours! Signs of a Gay Husband, HealthyPlace. its hilarious how when everyone is happy the attitude is all whats mine is yours! Does A Friends With Benefits Relationship Actually Work? But it is possible for him to change, especially now that he's retiring. volunteer, find a part-time job, join some clubs, take some classes, go to church, etc.). Heartfelt, direct, and honest. There are sometimes physical causes at play. When you are locked in place by mights, which you arent even willing to explore, you are grasping for excuses to do nothing. Courts are unlikely to deviate from that. The wife may experience:2, And the wife may wonder if anything was real about the partner she thought she knew so well. Lack of interest in sex. I, myself, at 50, love living alone! BUT! If this were a younger couple, I assume that thered be some talk to communicating with the husband, figuring out if its depressed, etc. How would you like it when I cant drink at all because Epeilpsy and my husband works then comes home and keeps drinking a 12 pack at night At sixty, you could still have twenty, thirty, even forty years ahead of you. We are arent rich, but Id rather live in a tent then be miserable at this point in life. To afraid to be alone, youre a mirror image of myself, 41 years, kids grown , no love, my hubby had big anger issues 11 years ago found out he had sugar type 1, after getting him on meds he was nicer. Enjoying each other's company might give you both the emotional support and physical intimacy you needto help maintain a spark and eventually get the fire going again. A man needs to feel he has a say in decision-making in the relationship, otherwise he feels like another child or one of the pets. Think about your own actions. My grandpa was a difficult man to deal with at times, and my grandma stuck by him through it all until his death. APA ReferenceTracy, N. I tried taking Monday and Tuesday this week off of work to decompress and instead I got 3 work calls yesterday, ended up having to work remotely for about an hour, and got a bitchy call from my boss at 9:00 a.m. this morning, and then ended up coming in at 11. Of course, some of these examples can indicate other situations or problems in a marriage, or even just the usual practices of a slightly effeminate straight male. trustworthy health. What Is Emotional Abandonment in Marriage. Now nothing. If your partners behavior is worrying you, then the internet is the right medium to find out the truth. Signs You Are Gay, cure the gay by having your husband go to gay conversion therapy, Is My Husband Gay? Cant find information on the site about your health concern or issue? But it is very unhelpful to point out that her husband is the injured party. This site complies with the HONcode standard for The Internet has made it easier for people searching for information about others. Best of luck to you LW. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle. Unless there is violates, hitting and no sex anymore. domestic science used to be a real thing! The only way to facilitate change is to actually communicate what you want in life. Your gums are swollen, tender, or bleed easily. Some gay men believe that being married can rid them of their homosexuality. He tries to convince you that all relationships have a decline in sex even when you've only been together for a few years. See what happens. He makes eye contact with another man that seems to linger a little too long. Turns out I didnt, and I stayed a lot longer than I probably should have due to that original fear. I cant wait to divorce my husband! So, imagining it as real seriously, this husband of yours has provided 100% financial support for you for 40 years (details are missing here in the letter), and you are still complaining? LW You deserve to be happy! Erectile difficulties can cause feelings of inadequacy in both men and their partners. My default method is to just throw some solvent at it. it doesnt, but all of a sudden when divorce is on the table it matters. Read less. using a penis ring or sex toys. 4. iwannatalktosampson and i dont think its weird for one person to say to the other -whichever gender- im fed up, cant stand you anymore, get out, which is essentially what this LW would be saying. its sad that their ideals never really caught on. Your husband needs to know this. If you can live in a marriage where you are sure that your husband might be gay, some personal. There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage that never picks up again. Consider this foreplay. Also he moved his work schedule to the mid nights so he wouldnt be home with me at night. With two deadbeat daughters (well, okay, one at least) and a grand daughter that they had to raise as their own, it seems rather doubtful to me that money is in any great abundance. He doesnt like my children (2nd marriage for both of us), or any of my relatives. What a shame. It can be difficult and frustrating for men and their partners to cope with erectile dysfunction, especially when the cause is unclear. However, you are miserable in the situation youre in. He tells you that he wants you to use sex toys on him because he needs his prostate stimulated or because he likes kinky sex. Plus to recommend someone stay married for money is just as icky as to encourage someone to marry for money. Will your husband leave and pay some sort of short term support? Since day one hes never been a sexual person! I would be here for days if I told you all the shit I put up with. And if its loneliness you are worried about, you have your granddaughter still at home and you can find ways to keep busy and find companionship (e.g. It might mean getting a part time job, or learning a new skill or hobby. in their lives too. Do not nag him. The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you. I remember being afraid to leave my first husband because I thought I needed him to survive financially. So, its really, really important to talk this through, and Id suggest doing so before the husband officially retires because he may not be prepared for the kind of financial hit that a divorce entails. I hope your daughters dont end up staying with abusive, neglectful partners themselves because they saw you putting up with it all these years and think thats what a normal relationship looks like. He erases the computer history on a regular basis. think as a woman, if you only got to eat salad for 20 some years how grumpy would that make you? Yes, I dealt 40 years of this nut case but I will get 50% of everything including his income, I cant wait. He visits gay bars frequently even though he will claim that hes just there to socialize with his gay friends. Believe me he is getting sex from somewhere some men want sex with no strings attached. He wasnt physically violent, just a drunk, negative, bullying man when alcohol is in him, which was all the time. katie, what you dont mention is whether that woman actually DID learn to clean better. There are no thumbs, but I want to like this comment. If not, then he at least deserves the chance to hear how she feels and make changes if he can and she might have more chance of success if the discussion comes in the context of a marriage counselor. is not an emergency or instant response service. it doesnt matter. Cmon! Do what Seattleite saysSee a lawyerinitial consultations are free where I live. Mental health issues. Maybe his career has been especially stressful and draining. My husband is a schophrenic and I found out after the marriage, I know I will be extremely happy after I divorce him I lived nightmare. really? Im impressed. If anything, youre more capable than most to live alone. Frankly you havent built much of a case that you do. He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours. To believe that a 60 year old woman who ostensibly has never worked or had a career can make it on her own is pretty niave. Youll be ok. It is also a toxic marriage with my husband. Im not educated, but Im not worried. Ive tried talking to him, but he just gets angry and defensive. this and many other things is why marriage is not high on my priority list. Good luck to you! I cant stand my husband either! Um, no wonder he has A LOT of negativity. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Ed Araquel/Lionsgate. At the time my mom was sick and I went to spent a few days with her, when I got back home my husband moved all his stuff to our basement and he told me never bother him again. trying role-play or foreplay to increase arousal. If you find yourself in that situation, you will have to decide what you would like to do. Peyronie's disease, or penile scarring that results in a curved penis. If the LW is unhappy and has brought this to his attention and he hasnt done anything about it, make plans accordingly. and fun fact: domestic science is the way that women were first allowed into science. Introduced that same week at SXSW, the scrappy lower-budget "Bottoms" (in theaters . you would be heartbroken. Once your doubt is realized, you need to plan your next course of action carefully since these are sensitive matters that need to be handled with care. Site last updated July 1, 2023, How Do I Know If I Am Gay? Would you be willing to stay if your husband and/or relationship changed? (In most states and this is not legal advice). That didnt end nice he told me the hell with you well and he decided he didnt want any thing to do with me. The last point is one of the glaring signs that your husband is gay. My husband is suffering from erectile dysfunction. High blood pressure, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, kidney disease, and . although i like domestic art. Whats got me bothered is that shee been married for 40 years and just NOW she decided she cant stand him. where else are they supposed to go to get them met? He watches porno movies with gay male scenes. Whether it's your girlfriend or your wife, this top ten. if they have conflicting sexual feelings. This letter seems fake to me, mainly because I havent heard the word housewife used seriously in decades, but perhaps thats a regional thing. You had your childhood and then your had your many years raising a family (both your children and then your granddaughter) and now its time for your third act. I wouldnt be surprised that hes pissed off about retiring and that could take a while to work itself out. If your guy can't get it up or loses it in the midst of things, he will likely start freaking out, worried about what you are thinking about him. Its time to move on and forward, whether thats on your own or with your husband in a relationship that is different than what youve had. He makes continual homophobic comments or he makes too many gay comments in conversations. The husband could be seen as the injured party in this scenario. He says he is having a "mid-life crisis" and becomes moody and depressed. Hes selfish and self centered. Life goes by so quickly do not waste time trying to figure your spouse out . Cookie Notice Being a housewife doesnt mean youre incapable. Therefore, open and honest communication with one another is an essential ingredient in strengthening your relationship as you work through this situation together. He watches or seems to be comfortable watching pornography with gay male scenes. Self-harm, also known as self-injury or self-mutilation, is a coping mechanism used by a surprising number of people. I cant imagine this is a real letter, its shocking. Although he can get hard, he cannot maintain enough for intercourse. His ego appears to be boosted by compliments from gay men. on the computer he uses, even though he claims he has nothing to do with it. Schedule time for a therapist, either for yourself alone, or together as a couple. I wouldn't expect the change to occur quickly, or necessarily at all. Researchers believe that for many men erectile dysfunction is caused by a combination of physical, psychological, and cultural factors. You can also pleasure by caressing, touching, and stroking one another, having oral sex, or incorporating sex toys into your sex play. as a woman how would you feel if your husband said, i dont want to have a meaningful conversation with you anymore, i just want to keep it light and talk about the weather like i do with every one else. Is My Husband Gay? Its highly unlikely that, if your partner is straight, he would want to put his picture and information on a gay dating site. and then women like ellen richards, the MIT graduate, were able to make careers for themselves where none existed before teaching domestic science, which would eventually turn into home ec, and then also researching domestic science. A health care provider may want to know, does your husband have firmer erections: The answers to these questions, as well as physiological tests like an ultrasound or neurological assessment,can help determinethe root cause of ED. Nor is it fair to your children or granddaughter. But I would try this before moving out without assets or any job prospect. trustworthy health information: verify This whole letter just made me think of the movie Hope Springs with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. If you can afford it, I think your husband living in his own small apartment, while you stay in your family home with your granddaughter, could give you both the physical and psychological space to figure out what you want. For others, psychological concerns, including stress, anxiety, self-esteem, or fatigue are the source. Maybe this is really off-base, but it reminds me of a dynamic Ive seen among some older couples (not sure if its age-based, or just generational) where you believe that its normal to hate your spouse or where you dont actually communicate ABOUT the relationship. Or maybe just the idea of retirement has been so scary or nerve-wracking that, once its over, he will begin to calm down. He is turned-off by normal sexual activity and accuses you of being . Im sure she did. Can you stay with one of your daughters temporarily? I want to look her up now. I was a little surprised not to see that here. When you ask yourself questions like, how can I tell if my husband is gay?, you need to observe your partner closely and look out for possible signs in his behavior and approach. Good Luck! You couldnt pay me enough money in the world to be miserable. Look, your husband has spent forty years working away at a job that he probably found mildly enjoyable (at best) for a family that sounds decidedly unappreciative. Many women find it much harder to accept that their husband is leaving them for another man rather than for another woman. Does he have any idea how unhappy you are? For a sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) web site and click on the "Locate a Professional" link. i know its hard for women after menopause to still want sex sometimes, but if she would make an effort, maybe his grumpiness would have disappeared. This coming from someone that did give up large financial stability for happiness. I can see how that sucks in some cases, imagine if your spouse cheats on you and youre the breadwinner and they still get 50%. From left, Sabrina Wu, Sherry Cola, Stephanie Hsu and Ashley Park in "Joy Ride.". You can get a divorce if you are so unhappy because this can effect your health stress in it self will make a sick person out of you or kill you! I understand her being married 40 years myself. plus Whiskey on top of that too! How do you know if your husband is gay? March 18, 2014, 6:13 pm. Issues concerning sexual desire alone are not a sure-fire sign your husband is gay, but women who report that their husbands turned out to be gay often say this was something they noticed first. He thought it be nice to change our positions and make it more fun. Think about that. I told my daughters NEVER financially depend on a man and they dont thank God. Has it ever been addressed? If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Sounds like you just need an escape from each other to me. He might even appear to be homophobic and make a lot of comments about gay people in a derogatory manner. You want him to stop being so damned negative. And I wonder if I can ask them to give me a MS in Domestic Science lol. I lived with the negativity for 20 years before I stopped trying. Anyone else bothered by the part of the advice that discusses the husband living in his own small apartment? (If you're thinking that you can cure the gay by having your husband go to gay conversion therapy, read this.). I feel for this LW. !So i am getting the hell out of this state and going to file for divorse i dont NEED his Crap anymore at all!!! Sometimes a woman may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may find herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" It could be a medical reason for his constant grumpiness. Just about any medical condition that affects your nerves or blood vessels could hurt your ability to have erections. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at we***@de*******.com. Having sexual attraction to the same sex is no one's fault and likely has been there since birth. theyre not getting their needs met, and yes it IS the job of the wife to meet the needs of her husband and vice versa. But I agree with others that telling your husband to move into an apartment is a bad idea. He paid for the house. iwannatalktosampson marriage is ridiculous, so much of the time. Oh honey, my bf was diagnosed a year ago , he was a sex machine, 3-4 times a week, and 3 times a day even though we are not living together, after diagnosis he comoletly neglected sex, it was anxiety, not the meds , he was scared of geving it to me, even after he hit undetectable he couldnt get hard, then i made him talk to other poz, now for the past month he is getting back on his feet and . You mentioned that your husband's penis gets hard but that he cannot maintain enough of an erection for intercourse. It is helpful to recommend she speak to an attorney. Kicking him out of his own house wouldnt be the right move. If he is negative and unhappy, maybe it is because of that, and maybe he doesnt like you too much either? I have no kids and been lonely for ever! alone are not a sure-fire sign your husband is gay, but women who report that their husbands turned out to be gay often say this was something they noticed first. If her husband is in a position to retire at all its likely that they have a house, its paid off, they have retirement savings, etc. Time to move on, but work pays too little to live on my own. Often, couples counseling and/or sex therapy (as a couple or individual) can identify factors related to ED, help with communication, and improve sex for both partners. He claims he is "depressed" and will blame his depression or medication for depression for his lack of sexual desire for you. A number of psychological issues can cause ED. But often, when people experience a big life change and retirement is certainly among the . However, I urge you to contact an attorney to figure out your financial future. exploring erogenous zones such as the ears . Have you discussed all the things you like that don't require an erection?
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my husband is 40 and can t get hard
