To celebrate the impending arrival of Europa Universalis IV, The Strategist pens an ode befitting of the series’ magnificence, and set to the tune of… Call Me Maybe.
(with apologies to Carly Rae Jepsen and… really… all of humanity)
I marched an army at your capital,
From which direction, I’ll never tell
I sued for peace as it fell,
But your forces were on the way
I’d trade my soul for more men,
Ducats and dimes for an end
I wasn’t looking for this,
But now you’re on the way
My army was holdin’,
Then morale drops, cracks were showin’
Soldiers run, my troops surrenderin’
Where do you think you’re going, army?
Hey, I lost to you,
And I’m not crazy,
Now here’s a province,
So EU, maybe!
A Royal marriage
To you baby,
And here’s an alliance,
So EU, maybe!
Hey, I conquer you,
And my claim is hazy,
But I’ll take your ducats,
So EU, maybe!
And the other countries,
Try to take me,
But I’ll resist them,
So EU, maybe!
You took your time with the call,
I took no time with the fall
You gave me nothing at all,
But still, you’re in my way
I trade, and colonize and deal
Have research, religious zeal,
I didn’t know I’d need to kneel,
But the pope’s in my way
My army was holdin’,
Then morale drops, cracks were showin’
Soldiers run, my troops surrenderin’
Where do you think you’re going, army?
Hey, I lost to you,
And I’m not crazy,
Now here’s a province,
So EU, maybe!
A Royal marriage
To you baby,
And here’s an alliance,
So EU, maybe!
Hey, I conquer you,
And my claim is hazy,
But I’ll take your ducats,
So EU, maybe!
And the other countries,
Try to take me,
But I’ll resist them,
So EU, maybe!
Before you came onto my land
I seized your allies
I blockaded your ports
I assaulted you so so fast
Before you came onto my land
I besieged you so long
And you should know that
I besieged you so, so long (long, long)
Hey, I lost to you,
And I’m not crazy,
Now here’s a province,
So EU, maybe!
A Royal marriage
To you baby,
And here’s an alliance,
So EU, maybe!
Hey, I conquer you,
And my claim is hazy,
But I’ll take your ducats,
So EU, maybe!
Before you came onto my land
I seized your allies
I blockaded your ports
I assaulted you so so fast
Before you came onto my land
I besieged you so long
And you should know that
So EU, maybe!
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