Over the last few weeks I’ve seen a lot of hatred swirling around the gaming community. And this hatred is beginning to implode the community itself. Aside from a brief talk on The Perfectly Sane Show a couple weeks ago, I’ve mostly stayed out of the discussion. This is mostly because I can’t make heads or tails of things. I’m still not sure I can.
I see you all shaking your heads, asking, “Chris, how can you not know what is right and what is wrong here?”
Well let me state that I fully understand what is wrong. Rape and death threats against anyone, regardless of who they are, or what they have done, are wrong. Misogyny, and sexism of any kind, is wrong. Racism is wrong. Homophobia is wrong. I can go on and on with a list of things that are wrong. I know these things and yet, I am guilty of them all.
I know in fits of anger I’ve threatened to “Fucking kill you”, called women bitches, whores, and used racial and homophobic slurs. I’m also guilty of these things in a casual sense, having made or laughed at jokes about women, minorities, and gays.
And I’ve just lost half of you reading this, thinking I am a misogynist, racist, homophobe, asshole. The rest of you are hanging on waiting to see where this train wreck ends up.
So why did I just reveal that I’ve done those things? The reality is that I’m not proud of them but I can’t erase what I’ve done. Pretending I’ve never done these things would make any words that come out of my mouth going forward worthless.
Because I was once one of those people. I responded to things I viewed as contradictory to my understanding of the world, not with rational thought but with vitriolic hate speech. I used hateful terms for women and minorities as a way of lashing out and making them feel as small as I thought they made me feel. Because I did feel small. I was not the popular kid growing up and I was often bullied. I felt I didn’t fit in anywhere and it became me against everyone else. Not only did I want to fight anyone that I viewed as being against me but I wanted to completely humiliate them. In turn, I became the bully in every sense of the word.
By the time I hit age 17 I was a very strong 240 lbs. I took my frustrations out on anyone and everyone that got in my way both physically and mentally. I’d just as likely punch you in the face as I was to call you every name in the book, all for just looking at me the wrong way. I was bad person. But as time went on, people began to call me on my bullshit. Sometimes they threw the same bullshit back at me, which I answered with even more hate. But sometimes those calling me on my bullshit did so in a manner that didn’t put me down in the process. And as such I matured, my world view expanded and I realized that my preconceptions about things maybe weren’t what I had come to believe.
Much like my 17 year old self wasn’t the same as my 11 year old self, my 36 year old self isn’t the same as my 17 year old self. And I expect that my 50 year old self won’t be the same as my 36 year old self. But none of that was possible without the help of people willing to reach out and set me on the right path. And that is what makes me sad about the way this has been handled by everyone. These wayward souls lashing out at anyone and everyone that disagrees with their worldview are being beaten back with sticks just as hateful as the ones they were using.
There is no denying that threats of death, rape, home invasion, and destruction of property are awful and they shouldn’t be tolerated. In many cases they aren’t even legal. But fighting fire with fire, by declaring games a place where we don’t accept them and their stunted worldview, won’t help to solve the problem. The problem being that this is what many people are doing. They are fighting back just as hard with just as much vitriol in their speech but they are doing so in the name of what is “right.” And in a sense they are just reinforcing the mindset these people have.
Over the course of the past few weeks I’ve seen many wonderfully worded articles on this subject about how gaming culture needs to evolve and mature, to stamp out the hatred and let the term “gamers” become one that welcomes instead of excludes. And I fully agree. But being just as hateful to those with stunted viewpoints as they are to us won’t solve things. If anything, it fractures the community more and escalates the issues further.
Many people say the best way to stop a troll is to not feed it. Except the troll doesn’t die from starvation. The troll just looks for another source of food, someone else’s skin to get under somewhere else. And, almost always, they find it. The way to stop a troll is to change its diet. Engage the troll but do so without being angry and combative, show it the error of its ways. It may not get the point this time, or next. But at some point that angry troll will realize that it doesn’t have to fight against everything because people will accept them and all their past faults because the community is welcoming to all. I know. Because it used to be me under that bridge.
The gaming community has exposed me to some amazing things and some amazing people. Things I never thought possible. People I’d never have thought I’d call my friends. Yet I stand as proof that people can grow and change for the better. I’m not perfect. None of us are, nor will we ever be. We can all get better. It just takes a guiding light in the right direction to lead the way. Let’s be that guiding light. Let’s help make the community better, not by expelling those of us that have done wrong but by embracing them and teaching them why it is wrong and they can be better.
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